I Saw Three Ships Go Sailing By
by ShoeQueen
Summary: Three Christmas ships that sailed and one that maybe didn't
1. 2002

**A/N: I changed my pen name for several reasons, but rest assured, I'm still me. :)  
**

**Disclaimer: Not my characters.**

**A/N: While Christmas 2012 is over, I found this little story rattling around in my head and thought I'd post it. I was inspired by the song I Saw Three Ships Go Sailing By. Of course the minute I heard ship, my mind went to Jack and Sam. So, we have 3 ships that sail by and one that might not.**

**The first chapter is a bit longer than the others. I'm hoping to have them up soon.  
**

**This has not been beta'd. All mistakes are mine. Reviews appreciated.**

* * *

Christmas 2002-O'Malley's

Sam stood near Janet, a drink in her hand and listened to the sound of excited holiday chatter all around her. The SGC had decided two years ago that a Christmas party was definitely something they needed and so here she was at her third one feeling depressed as ever. It's not that she didn't have holiday plans, she was flying out tomorrow to stay with her brother Mark and his wife and kids, but as much as she loved them, it wasn't what she really wanted to do for the holidays. Her eyes roamed around the private room at the back of the bar as if they were just casually observing, but she was looking for one person in particular. She actually knew exactly where he was, but looking straight to him was not the wisest move she could make. He was her CO and completely off limits. Still, she could look. When her eyes finally stopped on him, it was all she could do not to sigh. He was listening, or probably not, to Siler, who was clearly going on about something he'd repaired or invented or blown up. Siler did a lot of all three. Jack suddenly looked at her and caught her eye, she thought she saw something there, but looked away before she could over analyze it and tried not to blush.

Siler was making Jack's head hurt. It's not that he didn't like Siler, he really did. Siler had been a big help during that whole Ancients-knowledge-downloaded-into-his-head thing and Siler was pretty damn good at blowing stuff up, which was always a plus in Jack's book, but right now Siler was being a damn nuisance. Jack thought desperately looking around for some way of escape. He was just about to point something out to Siler that would hopefully send the Sargent scurrying off to tell his tale to someone else when he felt eyes on him. Big, crystal blue, beautiful eyes. The second they landed on him, he knew it without having to look up. Carter. He brought his gaze to hers. The room went silent for him as he gazed across the room. Carter. Gorgeous, sexy, completely off limits, Carter. Some days he hated his life. Especially those days where he had to be in close proximity to Carter and not be allowed to touch her. So, pretty much every day. He felt he could stare at her all night, but she quickly snapped her eyes away. Damn. He tried to think of a reason to go talk to her, but his muddled brain couldn't come up with a single thing.

"Colonel, Sargent Siler," smiled Jonas coming up to them. He was wearing another one of his goofy grins. Jonas smiled at everything and his very first Christmas party was no exception. In the beginning it grated on Jack in a million ways, but Jonas had proven himself several times, so Jack just resigned himself to days of goofy grins and left it alone.

"Jonas," Jack said in reply, noting the traces of several different shades of lipstick on his face. "Enjoying yourself are you?"

Jack didn't think that was possible, but Jonas's grin got even bigger. Of course they do say that whole thing about Christmas and miracles and blah, blah, blah. Jonas's smile looked like it might have been slightly encouraged by alcohol. He'd not gotten used to it yet (he'd said the stuff in Kelowna was nothing compared to Earth) and seemed more than a bit tipsy. Jack wondered if he should be worried. Jonas couldn't drive yet, despite Teal'c giving him lessons, so Jack knew he'd get back to the SGC safely. He'd have a hell of a hangover tomorrow though. Jona was wearing a red hat that had a piece of mistletoe on top and was taking as much advantage of it as he could. Not that any of the women seemed to object.

"So, Jack, how's it going?"

"Good Jonas. You?"

Jonas looked around. "Who would have thought so many women would have been willing to kiss me? I mean, I haven't had a whole lot of trouble before, but this mistletoe is like magic. If I'd known, I'd have been wearing a hat covered in the stuff every day. Why don't you have any on? I've got extra. I could loan you some." He reached up to pull off a sprig and hand it to Jack.

Siler chuckled, but quickly stopped at Jack's look. "I'm good Jonas. Wouldn't want to take all the ladies away from you. I've heard many of them like gray hair, you know and there would be no one left for you. I just couldn't do that to you."

Jonas gave him a surprisingly sober look. "I know someone who likes gray hair." He glanced back at the corner of the room where Sam stood with Janet.

"Um, Jonas, Siler here was just telling me about a way he's thought up to boost the power in the um…what was it again, Siler?" Jack asked.

"The power core to the…" Siler started, but was cut off by Jack.

"Yeah, yeah, the power core. Siler, I'm sure Jonas would find that fascinating."

Jonas tilted his head to the side. "I'm sure I would. Why don't we go talk about Sargent Siler?" Jack thought maybe Jonas wasn't as drunk as he'd first guessed.

"O'Neill," Teal'c had walked up behind him without making a sound.

"Dammit, T. How do you do that? You must weight at least two hundred and twenty five pounds…"

"Two hundred fifty," Teal'c corrected him.

"Okay, two fifty, plus we should account for a pound or two for Junior," Jack said referring to the symbiote Teal'c carried. "So, how do you move like that?"

"Ninja training," Teal'c said with his usual straight face.

Jack's eyes widened. "T, did you just make a joke?"

"I believe I did."

Jack slapped him on the back. "Well, good for you! It's about time. So, how are you enjoying the party?"

Teal'c pursed his lips ever so slightly. "I am indeed enjoying myself O'Neill. I still find this Christmas of yours an odd celebration, but I appreciate the importance of it to your people."

"That's the spirit T. Really get into it."

"Major Carter is looking especially attractive this evening, do you not agree?"

Jack nearly choked on the sip he had just taken. "Something you want to tell me T? You gotta thing for Carter, now?"

"I do not. I was merely making conversation. Does it disturb you that another man would find Major Carter attractive, O'Neill?" He turned his shrewd eyes to Jack.

Jack would never admit it out loud, but he did find it disturbing. Carter was…well, not his, but still. She was…something and no one else had better look at her with anything other than respect. When she wore clothes like the ones she had on tonight though, he was certain there was more than one man fantasizing about his 2IC. Damn them. Of course if he were being honest, he'd been having fantasies for longer than he cared to count. He was certain she would feature prominently in his fantasies tonight wearing tight black satin pants and a sparkly red tank top that showed off her figure rather well and that pair of ridiculously high heels. He loved her in heels. He usually saw her in combat boots, but when she wore heels, he was sure his blood pressure shot up. He thanked his lucky stars every time he was hooked up to those damn machines in the infirmary that Carter didn't wear heels at the SGC. The monitors would go on overload and he'd have the whole medical staff descend on him in seconds.

"O'Neill. O'Neill," Teal'c repeated.

Jack shook his head. "What? Oh, uh, no. No it doesn't bother me in the least."

Teal'c didn't respond, but raised his eyebrow in a way that Jack knew meant he didn't believe Jack for one second.

* * *

"So," Janet said, noting where Sam's eyes had been. "Colonel O'Neill is looking quite handsome this evening."

Sam glared at her. Janet was less than subtle. And she was also wrong. Colonel O'Neill didn't look handsome, he looked devastatingly delicious. She didn't say this to Janet of course, though Janet probably knew exactly what she was thinking. "Janet, I've got to get out of here."

Janet put a hand on her arm. "Sam, don't be ridiculous. You can't keep running away, you know."

"Actually, I can," was her reply. "Besides, I have an early flight tomorrow. I really should go."

Janet gave her a pitying look and Sam hated it. She hated that there was nothing she could do except keep pushing herself to deny how she felt. Janet wrapped her arms around Sam and gave her a brief hug. "Have a good trip. Call us when you get there. You know how Cassie worries."

Sam smiled at that. "I will. Merry Christmas, Janet." She turned to the door making sure her eyes never looked toward the Colonel. Wrapping herself up in her coat and scarf, she felt through the pockets for her gloves. "Great," she said when she couldn't find them. "Frozen fingers it is."

Jack knew the minute Sam left the room. He didn't have to see her go to know. He just felt her absence. He finished off his drink and set the glass down. There was no reason to stay, so he headed towards the door himself, but made sure there was enough time between them leaving that it wouldn't be suspicious. He hated it. Hated feeling out of sorts and hated not being able to be with her without everyone speculating that there was something going on. There wasn't, the UCMJ prevented that, but still, people talked.

As Jack reached the door, Teal'c found him. "Something I can do for you?" Jack asked.

"Indeed there is, O'Neill. Major Carter left her gloves behind."

Jack tilted his head. "And?"

"And she may need them for her trip. It would be kind of you to take them to her."

"Why can't you do it?" The thought of going to Sam's house, even on such a simple errand was almost too much.

Teal'c tilted his head toward Jones, who was being kissed by yet another member of the SGC staff. "I would O'Neill, but someone has to take Jonas back to the mountain. As I am the only one returning tonight, it is I who must. Major Carter's house is in the opposite direction. It would be easier for you."

Jack let out an exasperated sigh. "Fine, give me the damn things and I'll drop them by on my way."

Teal'c inclined his head and handed over the soft leather gloves.

* * *

Sitting in his truck outside of Carter's house, Jack had the urge to leave the gloves on the stoop and get out of there as fast as possible. That was cowardly though, and if there was one thing Jack O'Neill wasn't, it was a coward. He jumped out into the cold and made his way to the front door. It took another 5 minutes for him to actually ring the bell. It would have taken longer if it weren't so cold.

He could hear her steps in the hall and pasted on a smile when the door opened.

"Sir," Sam said surprised. "What are you doing here?"

Jack looked appreciatively at her for a beat. She had changed clothes and now wore only a soft pair of lounge pants and a tank top. God, how he loved her in tank tops. He snapped his eyes back to hers, but not before she realized where he was looking. "You, um, you forgot your gloves," he said lamely, holding them up. "Teal'c thought you might need them. You know, for your trip."

"I'm going to San Francisco, Sir. I think I'll be fine without them, but thank you."

"Oh, of course." Teal'c had to have know that.

"Would you like to come in? I'm all packed and was just going to have a beer. You could join me." Sam gestured to the room down the hall.

Jack knew it was a bad idea to drink alone with his 2IC and was completely surprised when he said, "Sure. Why not?" He hung his coat and scarf on a hook by the door, followed her down the small hallway and sat in the living room. Sam handed him a beer she'd just pulled out of the refrigerator and sat down by him. He opened the beer and realized he had nothing to say.

Sam took a sip and looked around the room. The Colonel had rarely been to her house and almost never alone, especially not at night. She had nothing to say. The silence was becoming uncomfortable.

"So," he said at the same moment she did. They laughed and the strange tension was broken.

"So," he said again. "California. Looking forward to it?"

Sam shrugged. "I guess. It's still a bit odd with Mark and I, but we're working on it. I kind of feel like an intruder in their family, you know?"

Having no family of his own any more, Jack could sympathize in a way. He had been invited to several people's homes over the years for the holidays and had even taken up a few, but always felt like an outsider. After a while, he turned them down, citing other plans, even if he had none. "Yeah," he said softly.

Sam wondered how he felt about the holidays since Charlie's death. They had never spoken of Charlie, of course, but still, she thought it must be a difficult time for him. She briefly considered asking, but tossed it aside. "What are your plans, Sir?"

Jack stretched his leg out and propped one booted foot on her coffee table. Sometimes the cold was damn hard on his bad knee. "Oh, you know me, Carter. I'll probably roast some chestnuts on the open fire, let Jack Frost nip at my nose, sing some Yuletide carols."

She smiled sadly and before she realized it, placed her hand on top of his and wove her fingers in. "I'm sorry you'll be alone, Sir."

The touch sent an involuntary shiver through him. He squeezed her hand lightly. "Thanks, Carter."

They sat for a while their hands still clasped, neither knowing what to say. Jack had the insane idea to ask her to fly with him to Minnesota, but dismissed it. She already had plans with her family and would probably turn him down even if she didn't, just like all the other times he'd invited her.

Sam didn't know what to do. She was holding Colonel O'Neill's hand. Okay, not exactly holding his hand, but their fingers were intertwined and it was a heady feeling. She looked at him from the corner of her eyes. He was in silhouette, but turned the moment he felt her gaze. Sam's breath caught as she turned toward him and saw him leaned slightly toward her. He was going to kiss her. Her tongue darted out to moisten her bottom lip and she felt herself sway into him. Their eyes locked. Their lips were inches away.

Her phone rang and they snapped apart like two teenagers caught by the school principal. Jack sat up and pulled his hand from hers. Sam simply stared at him. Her answering machine picked up.

"Hey, Sam. It's Mark. I just wanted to make sure you were all set for your flight. I guess you're still out, so I'll see you tomorrow."

Jack stood. "I should go."

"Um, yeah. I guess." Sam followed him to the door and watched as he walked to his truck. Her heart was racing. They had almost kissed and even the almost was better than she had ever envisioned. And yet, it hadn't happened. She closed the door and turned the lock when his taillights were no longer visible and took a shaky breath, cursing and thanking Mark all at the same time.

Jack wanted to drive his truck into the nearest tree. The mere touch of Carter's hand had nearly caused him to break many rules and that scared him. She was a weakness and he knew it. He should have her reassigned to another team. He didn't need a real reason. Hammond would accept it and Carter would be hurt, but she would understand. If she weren't on his team though, he wouldn't be able to protect her or know that she was okay. He wouldn't be able to see her every day and that was not something he was willing to give up. He'd just have to learn to deal with it. Even if it killed him. Merry Christmas indeed.


	2. 2003

**Disclaimer: Not my characters, just having fun with them.**

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Reviews appreciated. **

**This has not been beta'd so all mistakes are mine**

* * *

Christmas 2003-O'Malley's

Sam watched the people around her. Daniel, happy to be back among the corporeal, she suppose, was laughing at something Janet said. Sam wondered why she'd never thought about them as a couple. They were both single, smart and attractive. She'd have to think on it. Her eyes shifted to the opposite side of the room. Colonel O'Neill and General Hammond were sitting at a table drinking beer and talking. The Colonel looked relaxed. She hadn't seen him relaxed in a long time and she wanted to stare at him. It probably wasn't a good idea though. She sighed and went to find Teal'c. He could distract her from her thoughts on the Colonel.

"Major Carter, you are looking quite attractive this evening," Teal'c said as she walked up to him. He was standing in a corner observing the merriment around him. While he could certainly take part in it, Sam was sure he was probably having more fun watching everyone else.

She smiled, gazing out over the crowd. "Thank you. You're looking rather dashing yourself. I always loved a man in a fedora."

Teal'c inclined his head. "You do not look as though you are enjoying yourself Major Carter."

Damn Teal'c and his Jedi mind reading abilities. He had a knack for always knowing when something was wrong with one of his team, and while it was endearing, Sam thought it was also incredibly annoying if she happened to be on the receiving end. "No, I guess I'm just a little tired. Been a busy week. You know that though."

"Indeed I do." They had spent much of the week in negotiations with an advanced race for weapons technologies and the talks had not gone well. Mostly because Jack told their leader he was an ass. While they all agreed it was entirely true, they also agreed it probably wasn't wise of Jack to point it out at a dinner in their honor. After soothing many ruffled feathers, Daniel managed to get things back on track, but it had been trying on all of them.

Sam sat down her almost full glass. "I think I'm just going to head home. See you on Monday?"

Teal'c dipped his head again. "You will, Major Carter. Drive with care."

Jack watched Teal'c and Carter while trying to pay attention to whatever General Hammond was saying. He was probably failing miserably, but Hammond likely wouldn't care. He was used to Jack. Carter wore a skirt this year and Jack was hard pressed not to salivate. It was a short skirt. Not too short, but short enough and combined with her heels (again with the heels!) her legs looked like they were about 6 feet long and Jack had the urge to explore every glorious inch of them. He shook his head to clear it of the image of Carter's legs. That path did not lead to no good. At least not by Air Force regs. He watched as she scanned the room. Her eyes locked with his briefly before she turned and left the party. The brightness left with her.

Teal'c sat in a chair by Jack. "O'Neill. General Hammond."

"Teal'c," Hammond said. "Enjoying the party?"

Jack slapped Teal'c on the back. "Of course he is, Sir. Teal'c loves Christmas, don'tcha pal?"

"I have come to enjoy your holiday, O'Neill. There are still things I do not understand, such as what the birth of a child has to do with a decorated tree and a portly man who sneaks into your home to deliver gifts, but I have come to look forward to it each year."

"Way to break it down T. Maybe you could play Santa at next year's party!" Jack said.

"Are suggesting that I am overweight, O'Neill? I do not believe I, in any way, resemble your Santa Clause."

General Hammond laughed. "He's right there, Jack. I resemble Santa far more than Teal'c."

"But T, think how much fun it would be. I would even sit in your lap."

"I look forward to it, O'Neill." Teal'c looked down at his hands. He held up a silver spangled scarf. "It seems I am still in possession of Major Carter's scarf. Dr. Frasier gave it to me to give to Major Carter and it seems I have forgotten."

Jack looked over at the scarf in his hands. He had an itch to bury his face in it. He was certain it smelled like Carter. "She leave?" Jack asked, like he didn't know the answer.

Teal'c gave him a small smile. "Indeed, she did. Perhaps you could drop it off on your way home, O'Neill?"

Jack's mouth moved like a fish before he caught himself. "I'm sure you can just hang onto it until Monday, T."

"Perhaps, O'Neill. Or perhaps I shall see if Major Bautel can drop it off."

Red. Jack saw red. Not Christmas red, but hot, angry red. Major Bautel, who was on SG-12, had been hanging around Carter far more than was necessary in Jack's opinion. Bautel was relatively good looking, Jack grudgingly acknowledged, and close to Carter in age, which he, himself, was not, but Bautel was a snake. Jack had no proof of course, but he could just tell. He certainly didn't want Carter getting to close to him. He reached out and took the scarf with more force than he probably needed to. "No, I'll take it."

Teal'c inclined his head and stood. "General Hammond, O'Neill."

Jack and Hammond watched the large man walk away. "I still don't know how he's so damn graceful." Jack commented.

"Wish I moved half as gracefully," Hammond said. "Hell, I wish I was in half as good a shape as him too."

"Well, if you'd been carrying a snake in your gut for a hundred or so years, you might be. I personally think I'd rather be in less than perfect shape."

Hammond looked over at Jack. "There is that, I suppose." He heaved his considerable self from his chair. "Seeing as I'm not in the best of shape, I should probably be getting my old bones home."

Jack stood. "Me too, Sir." He and Hammond made the rounds of goodbyes, though Jack's were less enthusiastic and friendly, and walked out to the parking lot together.

"You okay, to drive, son?" Hammond asked.

"Only had one, Sir. Right as rain." Jack got into his truck, pulled out of the parking lot and turned towards Carter's house. He looked down at the scarf sitting on the seat next to him. He picked it up and inhaled. Carter's scent enveloped him and he let out a heavy sigh. Carter rarely wore perfume, but he knew the one she did. It was always the same; a light floral that wasn't overpowering, and mingled with her own natural body chemicals to create something that was uniquely her. He could smell the same perfume on a hundred different women, but none would smell exactly like Carter. Probably because no other woman was exactly like Carter.

Jack sat in the drive staring at her house. There were lights on in the front and he could see her shadow pass a window. She had probably already changed into something more comfortable and would look more like the Carter he knew than the one who was given many appreciative looks in the bar. Not that she didn't always look like a knockout to him, but some men might not appreciate how amazing she looked trudging around in dirty BDU's, with her hair plastered to her head and sweat running down her face as they hid from Jaffa.

He stepped out of the truck and walked through the snow, that had begun falling some time ago and was now coating the ground and roads, to her door. The porch light was on and she had even put strands of Christmas lights around the columns. Knocking on the door, he waited and tried not to look like a seventeen-year-old waiting on his first date.

"Sir," she said in surprise, opening the door. "What are you doing here?"

Jack smiled. "You know, you said those exact same words last year. Only then you'd forgotten your gloves." He held up her scarf. "This year you seem to have forgotten this. I'm afraid you're getting forgetful in your old age."

"Oh, thanks, Sir." Sam took the scarf and cocked her head to the side. "Um, you wanna come in?"

Thinking back to last year, Jack knew he shouldn't take her up on her offer. He did anyway. "Sure."

They sat in her living room, sipping on cold beers, while Sam flipped through TV stations until she landed on a repeat of It's a Wonderful Life. They watched for a few minutes when Sam said quietly, "Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you'd made different choices?"

Jack regarded at her thoughtfully before responding. "More than you know, Carter." He wondered what life would be like if he'd met her at a different time or if he retired. Would they have a chance?

Something in his voice sent a shiver through Sam's body. She wondered what he would change if he could. She wondered where they might be if she had come to the SGC as a civilian or what it would be like if one of them left the military. She knew that was impossible for both of them though. They loved their jobs and until the Goa'uld were defeated she just didn't see either of them giving it up. She let out a sorrowful sigh. Once it was over, if it were over, would they have a chance? She wanted to ask; needed to know if she was waiting on something that was never going to happen, but knew the answer could crush her, so she held her tongue.

Jack wondered what was going through her mind. He wasn't so sure he wanted to know. It was undoubtedly better that he didn't. "I should get going."

"Oh, um okay. You don't have to. I mean, I'm not doing anything." Sam tried to keep the desperation out of her voice, but feared she was failing.

He shook his head. "Thanks, but, it's starting to snow pretty heavily and I should get home before I end up having to spend the night with you."

That sentence sent Sam's imagination into overdrive. Jack O'Neill spending the night with her was more appealing than he would ever know. "Yeah, I guess so."

They walked to the door where he put on his coat and pulled on his boots. He stood as she opened the door. He looked up and noticed that hanging just over Sam's head was a small bunch of mistletoe. Oh, the temptation. Sam caught his gaze and followed it upward. A blush spread over her cheeks.

"Teal'c came by and hung that," she explained still looking at the small bunch. "He said it would bring me luck should a handsome man come to my door. Too bad that rarely happens."

"What about me?"

Sam snapped her eyes to his. "What about you?"

"Do I count? You know, as a handsome man?"

She couldn't speak, so she jut nodded her head as Jack leaned slowly in. Her eyes fluttered shut and she felt his mouth press against the corner of hers in a warm, all too brief kiss. She opened her eyes and stared at him with a wistful expression.

"See you Monday, Carter." Jack smiled as he opened the door.

Sam watched him walk down the sidewalk, hands tucked in his pocket, head down against the snow. She thought she heard him whistling. She wasn't sure if she was thrilled or disappointed.

Jack wanted to shout in both joy and frustration as he left Carter's house. The small contact had given him a high, but also made him want more. Still, she didn't pull away or look repulsed, which gave him hope for the future.

**TBC**


	3. 2004

**Disclaimer: Standard, not my characters.**

**A/N: Thanks for reading! This chapter was more difficult to write. I hope you like it. Reviews appreciated.**

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Christmas 2004-O'Malley's

Jack really wanted to get roaring drunk more than anything in the world right then. Okay, not the thing he wanted most in the world, but the thing he really wanted most was currently engaged to someone else, so getting drunk was the next best thing. He was on his fourth drink and so far he didn't seem at all affected. He'd have to try harder. He downed his drink and tapped it to get the bartenders notice.

"Hey, Jack! How's it going?" Daniel bounded up to him, looking more than a little tipsy himself.

"Daniel," he drawled, taking a sip of his newly refilled glass.

"It's not the same," Daniel said quietly. "You know, without Janet. It just doesn't seem as cheerful this year."

Jack looked around. He'd been too involved in his own pity party to notice, but Daniel was right. The annual party usually seemed much happier, but with the loss of Janet several months ago, the entire SGC had become a sadder place. They'd lost people before of course, good people, but everyone on base had been touched by Janet in some way or other and her losing her was a deep blow. Napoleonic power monger or not, Janet Frasier was a huge part of the SGC. "I suppose not. Not sure what I can do though. Any suggestions?"

"Nope," Daniel replied. "Just making an observation. I do that, you know."

Jack snorted. "Believe me, I know."

Daniel gave him a sheepish grin. "I also observed other reasons for this year's part to be less cheerful. Would you like to know what they are?"

Daniel had been on Jack's case since the day Carter announced her engagement. "Not even a little."

"O'Neill, Daniel Jackson." Teal'c joined them at the bar.

"T!" Jack said slapping the large man on the back, grateful for the interruption. He was certain Daniel was about to launch into some big speech getting in touch with his feelings, and then Jack would have to hit him and get banned from O'Malley's. Again. "I thought you were going to be Santa this year."

"I do not recall agreeing to that, O'Neill."

Jack gave him a sour look. "Still, it would have been sweet."

"So, have you talked to Sam and Pete yet?" Daniel asked. He was persistent, Jack had to give him that.

"I talk to Carter every day, Daniel." Jack had been studiously avoiding Carter and her fiancé all evening and didn't plan to change that now.

Daniel pushed his glasses up. "Well, yes, yes, you do, but um, not, you know, socially. You should at least say hi. I mean it would be rude not to."

Jack looked at Teal'c, who inclined his head in agreement with Daniel. "Ah, dammit," he muttered. "Fine. Fine. I'll say hi. Will that make you happy Miss Manners?" Downing the rest of his drink, Jack wove his way through the people milling about eating, drinking and making merry until he stood in front of Carter and Pete. He wondered how she managed to look better each year. She'd chosen a fitted red dress this year that plunged low enough to give him heart palpitations.

"Sir," Sam said with some surprise. Apparently she hadn't been expecting to talk to him this evening either.

"Carter. Shanahan." Jack tried not to take in how relaxed Pete looked with his arm around Carter's waist.

If Pete noticed Jack's tone was clipped and less than friendly, he didn't let it show. "General O'Neill. Nice to see you again. Hope you don't plan on sending my girl off during the holidays."

Jack shot Sam a look. "Wouldn't dream of it, Shanahan. I'm sure you two have big plans." He gave a grim smile. "So, having a good time? Making merry?"

"Actually, Sir, we were just getting ready to leave. Pete has an early shift in the morning." Carter's smile was brittle and never made it to her eyes.

Jack looked at Pete. "Better make sure she has everything, Shanahan. Carter has a tendency to leave things behind. Someone always has to follow behind retrieving them."

Sam's eyes met Jack's briefly. He knew she was thinking the same thing he was; about their almost kiss two years ago and their brief kiss the year before. He wondered if the memories were as painful for her as they were for him, those almosts.

Pete squeezed Sam tight and kissed her temple. "That's what she has me for, General. There will be no more leaving things behind now that I'm here."

"Good to know. Let's hope she doesn't leave everything behind though now that she's got a new life. If you two will excuse me, I have a date with a bottle." Jack walked away with his back as straight as it could possibly get.

Sam watching his retreating figure. Pete hadn't understood the General's words, but she had. He was baiting her and it made her angry. They'd both made their choices though and would have to learn to live with them. Guilt swooped over her. She shouldn't have to learn to live with her decision to marry Pete. He was a good man and she loved him and they were going to have a life together, and General O'Neill could go to hell. "I'm going to go get our coats," she told Pete, not quite meeting his eyes. "Say our goodbye's, will you?"

Jack stood at the bar and watched her walk across the room. He tried not to notice her movements, but couldn't stop himself. Shanahan was busy talking to some of the science geeks Carter worked with and not paying Sam any attention. Against his better judgment, he followed her into the dimly lit coatroom. She was rifling through the racks. "Forget something already, Carter?"

Sam jumped at the sound of his voice. "Sir! You startled me. Are you leaving too?"

Jack stepped closer. "Not yet." Sam stepped further back into a rack. Jack quirked a grin. "So, you won't, will you?"

He was too close. She could almost feel his breath on her skin when he spoke. "Won't…what, Sir?"

"Leave everything behind now that you have a new life." His voice was soft and husky. Sam could tell he'd had more than a few drinks.

"Are you worried, Sir?" Her voice was sharp.

"A little." Jack reached up and tucked a lock of blond hair behind her ear and took another step toward her. They were now less than a foot apart.

Sam's tongue darted out and licked her bottom lip. She swayed slightly. He was like one of the magnets he was certain ruled the physics world drawing her in. "I…um…Sir?"

Jack saw her lean in and smiled. She would never leave this behind, of that he was certain. "Carter," he whispered.

"Sam? Sam? Are you ready?" Pete's voice boomed in the darkened space.

Sam jumped and looked remorsefully at Jack. He smiled back like the Cheshire Cat. No, she wouldn't forget. He wouldn't let her.

Clearing her throat, she visibly shook herself. "Yes, I've got everything." She turned pleading eyes back to Jack. "I've got to go, Sir." She stepped around him, but he grabbed her arm and held it fast. His deep brown eyes blazed into hers.

"Merry Christmas, Carter."

**TBC...will there finally be a ship that docks? :)**


	4. 2005

**Disclaimer: Standard. Not mine.**

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews. I'm so glad you like it. I hope this chapter meets up to your expectations.**

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Christmas 2005-Sam's House

Sam sat in her small living room watching the snow fall. She loved it when it snowed. It felt like the world was being given a fresh start. She sighed at the thought of a fresh start. She'd left the Christmas party hours ago, claiming a headache, but it wasn't true. She simply didn't want to be there. If she had to admit it, even if only to herself, it was because he wasn't there. She missed him. Her eyes constantly roamed the room, looking for him, even though she knew that he was in DC. He'd been there for months and they'd only spoken a handful of times, usually about work or Cassie. Anything else was stilted and awkward. After all the years of friendship and complicated feelings, they were now pretty much strangers living a thousand miles apart. She thought back to their almost kiss three years ago on the very same sofa where she now sat and the kiss in the hall the year after and then last year, in the coatroom, when she'd still been engaged to Pete. If he'd asked, she would have run away with him that night. She wouldn't have given one good damn about her career or her fiancé or any of the million other reasons she could have given not to, she just would have. She'd known after that night that she couldn't marry Pete. There would always be another man between them. When she found out he was going to DC, she'd despaired over having him so far away, but also felt a small sliver of hope that they might finally be able to have their someday. She'd been pinning her life on that someday for so long, she almost forgot what it was like not to. It seemed though that it had all been for naught. The Colonel, no, General (she still found it hard to think of him as a general after all the years in the field), had moved on and left her behind. She thought should have stayed at Area 51.

Jack stared at the snow. He hated snow. Oh, it was all dandy at first, making even a pile of garbage look pretty, but then it became slushy and gray and was just a general aggravation. Jack had enough aggravation in his life. His biggest annoyance was that Carter currently lived a thousand miles from him now that they were no longer in the same chain of command. Funny how that worked out. Okay, not funny. Another dammed aggravation.

He dialed the number for the fifth time when he finally decided there wasn't going to be an answer. With a deep sigh, he hit another name and listened to it ring.

"Hello? Jack? Jack, is that you?"

"Yes, Daniel, it's me."

Jack could hear the sounds of the annual SGC Christmas party in the background. The high-pitched, overly enthusiastic singing could only be Vala. "Jack! Great to hear from you. It's too bad you're not here. I know how you love the Christmas party. Hey, Cam, Teal'c, it's Jack!"

"Daniel, listen I need to…"

The phone rustled and he could hear Daniel's voice suddenly muffled. "General! Cam here. Vala pulled Daniel up to the karaoke machine. What can I do you for?"

"Mitchell, I need to talk to…" A loud crash came through the line causing Jack to pull the phone away from his ear. "Mitchell? Mitchell? Dammit, can you hear me?" More rustling.

"Daniel Jackson's phone."

"T! Finally, someone with sense. How are you big guy?"

"I am well, O'Neill. It is good to hear from you."

Jack smiled. It had been too long since he'd seen his large Jaffa friend. Teal'c had been a huge part of his life for eight years and he realized that the move to DC had cost more than he'd bargained for. Teal'c was off world a lot now helping out with the Free Jaffa Nation, but still, Jack should have made it a point to get in touch with him more often. New Year's resolution, he decided. "It sounds like you're having a good time."

"Indeed. Vala Mal Doran has taken to Christmas like a fowl to liquid. This year's party is quite merry. It is a shame you are not in attendance."

"Yeah, I'm sure. You know how I like to make merry. Listen, T, as great as it is to talk to you, I really need to speak to Carter. Can you find her for me?"

"I am sorry O'Neill, but Colonel Carter is no longer here. She left some time ago. Have you tried to phone her directly?" Ever pragmatic, Jack thought.

"Yeah, I tried her cell and she'd not answering. Since she's not there I guess I'll try her house. Hey listen, you keep in touch, okay? I want to hear all about the family. Maybe we can go fishing sometime." Jack smiled at the look he was certain was crossing Teal'c's face at the thought.

"I am very busy these days, O'Neill."

Jack laughed. "I'm just kidding, big fella. Maybe a hockey game some time when I'm in town."

"I would enjoy accompanying you, O'Neill."

"Okay, listen, I need to call Carter. Tell everyone hi for me."

"Indeed."

Jack hung up and flipped through his contacts until he found Carter's home number.

Sam's house phone rang. She considered answering, but decided to let the machine pick up. The caller hung up before she heard the outgoing message. It must not have been important.

Jack clicked his phone. Dammit, where was she? She wasn't out with someone else was she? Or worse, home with someone else? It hadn't occurred to him that she might be seeing someone else. It was arrogance on his part. There was no reason she shouldn't be and he felt his chest tighten at the thought. When she'd been dating Shanahan, he had felt like he's had something heavy sitting firmly on top of his heart. He'd tried being happy for her, knowing their situation was too complicated, but he'd failed spectacularly. He'd been angry and irritable. Well, more irritable than usual. It hadn't helped that she'd walked around humming and his imagination kicked into overtime wondering what had happened to make her hum. There was a drawer on the desk in his old office that had taken the brunt of his anger one day. It had never closed again.

Son of a bitch. He dialed again. When her machine picked up this time he decided to leave a message. "Carter, it's me. I, well, damn, I wish you'd picked up. I never know what to say on these things. I just…"

Sam's heart leapt when she heard the voice on the machine. She jumped from the sofa and picked up the receiver. "Sir? Sir? Are you there?"

Jack let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. "Carter? Hey. Glad you picked up. You saved me the indignity of making a fool of myself. You know how I hate machines."

Sam smiled. "Yes, Sir, I do." There was silence on the line. "Um, Sir?"

He suddenly didn't know what to say. "Yeah, I'm here. So, how was the party?" Lame, Jack, he thought.

"It was okay. Vala and Teal'c went a little mad with the decorating. It was very…festive."

"Yeah, I called Daniel when you didn't answer your cell and it sounded like quite the to do."

Sam was confused. Why was he calling? They hadn't spoken in at least a month. "Have you talked to Cassie?"

"Yeah, she called me when she and her friends got to the ski lodge. I also spoke to the parents and they seemed pretty normal. As normal as any adults who voluntarily go skiing with five teenagers can be anyway."

Silence. "So, did you need something, Sir?"

"No, I just wanted to call and see how things were going. How are you?"

"Fine, Sir."

He mentally pictured the confusion on her face. Her brow would be crinkled and she'd be staring at the ceiling like she did when she was trying to work out a problem. "Seeing anyone?" He asked quietly.

"Nooooooo. Why?" She suddenly came suspicious. Was he calling to tell her something? Had he met someone? She felt fear worm its way through her body and her throat constricted. She swallowed hard. "Are you? Seeing someone?"

Jack laughed. "Carter. Who would want a broken old soldier like me?"

_Me_, she thought. Jack O'Neill was far from the broken down soldier he pretended to be. While it was true he had a bad knee that gave him trouble on more than one occasion, and his body was riddled with scars, he was still in excellent shape and more attractive now than he'd been the day they first met.

"Hey, Carter, listen, can I call you back in about 15 minutes?"

"Sure. I'm not going anywhere." She hung up the phone and realized her hands were shaking. She took a sip of the tea she'd made earlier. It had grown cold, so she decided to make another while she waited for the General to call back. What would she say to him?

The kettle whistled just as the phone rang. She practically jumped. Her first instinct was to answer immediately, but she made an effort to hold off until the second ring.

"Hello," she said slightly breathlessly.

"Carter. Sorry about that. Had something I had to do. So, what were we talking about? The party? Didn't leave anything behind this year, did you?"

Sam laughed immediately at ease. "No, I made sure my gloves, scarf, bag and coat were all accounted for before I left. You're not here to bring me whatever I may have forgotten." Her doorbell rang. "Sir, hold on. There's someone at my door."

"Sure, sure, take your time. Not like I'm calling long distance or anything."

"Sorry. I can't imagine who it could be. Probably Vala, trying to drag me out to some insane after party." Sam opened the door and on her front porch stood one General O'Neill. "Sir! What…what are you doing here?"

Jack snapped his phone shut and grinned. "You left something behind."

Sam looked at him, confused. "What do you mean? What did I leave behind?"

He pulled a small bunch of mistletoe from behind his back and held it over his head. "Me."

Her phone hit the floor as she reached out to grab the front of his coat and pull him toward her. Their mouths crashed into one another fiercely. Jack pulled her to him, pressing her curves against his body. The feel of her was bliss. He'd held her in his arms before, and even kissed her during the time loop years ago, but this was like nothing he had ever imagined, and he had imagined a lot. She was soft and pliant in his arms, her mouth warm. Jack felt her shiver and realized they were still standing on her threshold with the cold December winds whipping around them. She was in thin pajamas and no shoes and likely freezing. Dealing with hypothermia was not on his list of things to do that evening. Without removing his mouth from hers, he pushed them both inside and kicked the door shut. She moaned against his lips when they hit the wall. He didn't want to let her go. The need to feel her against him was overpowering, but the need to know how she felt was overriding it. He slowly lifted his head and stared down into her blue eyes, filled with wonder and what he was fairly certain was desire. He'd waited far too long to see that look on her face.

Sam's heart thudded. She briefly wondered if he could hear it. Holy Hannah! She was kissing General O'Neill. Since they were kissing, she briefly thought she should call him Jack. Yes, Jack. She was kissing Jack. And it was fantastic. God, more than fantastic. If she'd known how well he kissed, she'd have broken regs years ago. When he pulled his mouth from hers, she felt the loss immediately. "Sir? Jack?"

His dark brown eyes bore into hers. Here she was, everything he'd wanted and now he didn't know what to do, other than kiss her senseless, of course. "Carter," he breathed, laying his forehead against hers. "Carter, tell me you want this. Tell me you want me."

She almost laughed at the absurdity of his statement. After all this time, did he really not know? Silly, stupid, impossibly wonderful man. "Jack, how can you even ask? Of course, I do. Do you know how long I've been waiting on you?"

He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her off the ground in a bear hug, burying his head in her neck. "God, Carter. I can't stand being away from you."

She slid back to the ground, pulling back to look at his familiar face. "Me neither," her voice was sad, "but I don't know what we can do about it." She moved back and pulled his scarf and coat off and hung them on the hook by the door.

Jack grabbed her and hauled her to him so that her back was to his chest. He nuzzled the sensitive spot behind her ear. His tongue darted out and ran around the shell causing her to moan softly. "We'll figure it out if you want to," he told her.

Sam flipped herself around, wrapping her arms around him. "More than anything."

He grinned wickedly, a twinkle in his eyes. "Good, but right now, no talking. I'm tired of wanting you and not being able to do anything about it. All I want to do is take you to your room, strip you down and spend all night making you scream my name."

His words caused Sam's mouth to go dry. Clearing her throat, she threw him her own wicked smile. "Race you?" She ran laughing through her small house with Jack hot on her heels.

**FIN**


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